Things yelled 10 minutes until noon on Thanksgiving Day:

“I don’t even like turkey.”

“Go to the store and just buy some cranberry sauce in a can.”

“She’s coming? Who invited her?”

“I know that’s not how your mom makes it.”

“Hand me my Martini.”

“Make me another Martini.”

“That’s not what the turkey baster is for.”

“Who let the dog in the kitchen?!”

Oh my god, get the dog out of the kitchen!!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT TO TURN THE OVEN ON?!”

There’s a reason we don’t eat full turkey dinners any other day of the year.

You get through thawing and brining and basting a bird, and you still have the dressing, the rolls, the gravy, the green beans, the potato gratin (and the seating arrangement of your outspoken uncle) to contend with.

And, don’t kill us, but we always find the leftover sandwiches to be better than the straight bird on a plate, to be honest.

Kimberly Patton-Bragg, Justine bartender extraordinaire

You know what you don’t need to ever worry about?

The cocktails.

Make a bright, delicious, icy punch—or a coffee dispenser full of a warm toddy and notes of pumpkin.

Set ‘em and forget ‘em, as they say.

Here are two incredible big-batch recipes by Kimberly Patton-Bragg.

This lovely, New Orleans dame is the head bartender of Justine—a seriously chic French brasserie on Chartres Street in the French Quarter.

We cannot decide whether we like The Ritual or the Footie Pajamas best.

This year, just make both.

We’d also like to extend our wishes for everyone to stay super safe in your holiday moments this year.

Elbow bumps instead of hugs, red-and-green masks, air kisses under the mistletoe…and opting for that extra plate of bourbon pecan pie.